All children need some time each day to be in control. Play time is a natural time for this!
Here are some encouragements and considerations:
Set aside 20-30 minutes each day for this type of child-directed play time (ideally around the same time each day for consistency; no cell phones or electronic distractions please!);
If possible, get down on the floor so that you are on the same level as your child, bearing witness to all that unfolds;
Think of being in noticing mode instead of being in teaching, judging, or evaluating modes. This means just granting yourself the joyful experience of sitting back and following your child’s lead;
If your child has invited you into their play time (and surely they will!) remember to reflect, reflect, reflect: reflect what you see, reflect what you notice, reflect underlying feelings. Here’s an example: If the play theme that develops is your child taking on the role of a brave prince fighting off a fire-breathing dragon puppet, you can start by reflecting: “I see that this prince is so strong and powerful!” Now, since children often play out stressful situations that they’ve experienced throughout the day, if you notice content that is kicking up lots of feelings you can take it to the next level by reflecting: “Oh my, I notice that brave prince is trying so hard to defeat that sneaky fire-breathing dragon.” And since children may use play to go even further in showing you the depth of their feelings, you can take it to the next level by reflecting what the underlying feelings could be (all while staying in metaphor here!): “Oh brave prince, you may be feeling so powerless fighting against this fire breathing dragon. I wonder what will happen next? Remember I am right here for you and feel so proud of you.” What may seem like a simple battle scene can actually be quite a powerful release and communication for children; enriching to the parent-child relationship in ways that direct conversation cannot access.
Enjoy!